Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
