I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
