Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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