It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
