I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize