Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
