look no pants
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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