I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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