I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
