Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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