My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
