don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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