Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
