I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
