apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
