We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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