You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize