Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
