Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
