He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
