I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
