Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
