i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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