i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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