So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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