All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
