How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Life is so much better after having sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
