At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i think i just lost a toe
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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