i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
