I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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