we have pet lesbian snakes
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
