Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
