just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
