I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
