i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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