she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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