She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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