I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
