I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
