Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
