We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize