If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
