He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
