I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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