her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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