she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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