people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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