Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
