i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think pants incapable of making pants work
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
