I heard we made out
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
