So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
