Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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