So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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