Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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