mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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