it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize