Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
