Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
