Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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