i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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