I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
