I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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