I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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