He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
