I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
