I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
