dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Randomize
