I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
