what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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