I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
