he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
