I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
