i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize