just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
