shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
