I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
