And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
