yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
